It’s something everyone does. You’re too busy (or untalented) to cook (microwave) at home and you need to eat to feel good. What do you do? Hit up the _______ down the street and pig out. Nearly everyone says fast food is disgusting, horrible for you, terrible, but everyone eats it. So, which restaurant would you be least unhappy about being caught dead in?The first company making a hard run at celebrity endorsements and health consciousness is Subway, who enlisted nearly every rookie sport star, Olympic star, NASCAR driver to say that their sandwich artists were making unbelievable slabs of bread and meat on the cheap. People eat there to feel a little bit better about themselves, and I fucking hate subs because you know McNuggets taste better than any kind of sub. Subway is making an inroads with bumping up their job titles for employees and spending all those dollars advertising, but I don’t think it’s making anyone like them more. Sandwich artists? You serious?

Next, all those pizza places. Everyone has their favorite, but will eat anything if it’s paid for. Pizza places are utilized by everyone, usually last minute. People go to their local Pizza Hut because their manager has specially made pizzas that you can only get there, and you’re both tight. Only problem is the going rate for a 16″ stuffed crust is a fucking kidney. Not to mention that shit is terrible for you. There is such a thing as a too-social food, and that is pizza. People don’t notice how much they eat until it’s too late.

Chicken places. KFC is and always will be reigning champion of chicken. The sides…incredible. The biggest source of saturated fat in human history, but the protein in chicken is off the fucking charts. Only eat there after you’ve weightlifted till failure. Chicken joints are the second best places to hang out and eat. Everyone loves ripping a bird apart and eating it.

That leaves burger joints. Burger King just opened a restaurant slash bar in Miami, and it’s too premature to tell whether it’s as good an idea in real life as it is on paper or in mind. With that in limbo, the cake has to go to McDonalds. Everyone talks garbage on McDonalds, but the fact is they had Michael Jordan endorsing it, and they are the official food of Olympians. Everyone eats McDonalds. Since they’ve been around forever, and still clearly own no matter how deadly their grub, I’d eat at McDonalds over anywhere else.

I know you tools like In-N-Out because old people that used to be good actors and actresses finally discovered it (you never watched Lebowski?), but they are overhyped and give the cold shoulder to the east coast. At least Five Guys knew what the hell they were doing.

There is something irresistibly manly about Burberry’s adspot on Sport, their new fragrance for men. It was ran in GQ this month, and it hits all of the areas it’s supposed to for it’s demographic: smells vaguely like Acqua di Gio, is a virile red color, and comes in a kickass bottle.The market for cologne is cluttered with waste right now. It’s actually easier than ever to make your own and charge $70 a bottle. As long as you are wearing a tie, some investment banker will buy it off  of you for that price. Therein lies the problem: fashion houses price gouging the fuck out of people that have no clue how to be fashionable. Of course that is how they profit, just like Phillip-Morris profits on addiction. I feel real pain for the lonely accountants that buy this, no matter how good a product or well marketed it is.

This usually runs $72 for a little over 2 ounces, which is nearly criminal, but Burberry tries to be classy. Do you think having Emma Watson with no pants pays for itself? What’s next, they’re going to have Miley Cyrus modeling chastity belts?

As much as I like this stuff (and I haven’t gotten any from anyone, this is all on my own accord), I think you should avoid feeding the beast. Other options do exist, and even though they are still expensive, just imagine what you could do with that extra $20. I like Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana, which is usually $50 a bottle.

There is a real dearth of original cologne in the past five years. Nearly everything summery has that citrus smell, and nobody really wants to smell like lemonade on a date. Everything these houses put out smells so alike, why bother shelling out for the same shit you could get $40 cheaper? If you really want that unique scent, it’s time to create your own cologne.

The tackiest holiday of the year is today, so be prepared to be bombarded with useless posts on your favorite blogs that were funny seven years ago. There is nothing risque enough to run on the mainstream websites that would incite any real laughter, and the authors are presumably being paid, so this is without a doubt the worst productivity day of the year. Maybe next to Christmas Day, but the thought still stands. Pranks are fun, but not when it’s on a predictable date. The only cool thing left to do is probably having Apple push out a “virus” that fucks up everything on the iPhone, but that wouldn’t shut up the people that have them. Which is the ultimate goal.

Whatever you do, don’t kill anyone’s family. Okay? Happy April Fool’s.

It’s odd, but Shia LeBeouf is the first star that I’ve seen make progress in his career. It’s strange, because all other actors are still floundering around in roles that were similar to the first two that they’ve done or are notable for (Will Ferrell as a trying-too-hard jackass, Michael Cera as adolescent, Jamie Foxx as musician-with-disability). Yet, Shia has defied all logic and soared over the highest hurdles to stardom.

I bought Dumb and Dumberer, so let’s get that out of the way. He had a bit role in what was supposed to be a comedy, and had a terrible performance as did everyone else. You cannot blame him for it, though, as anyone unknown would have chosen a prequel to the funniest movie of all time over being an extra for Bring It On. What is even more embarrassing is that I watched the extras to Dumb and Dumberer, and witnessed an interview with Shia and his mother. Who the fuck knew this guy was going to headline Transformers, Eagle Eye, Wall Street 2 and the like? Nobody had a clue.

Shia went from jewfro to the slicked back yet curly mound that he has, and that was a huge improvement. The realization was that he was like that girl that was a pair of contacts, a haircut, tan, and tighter clothing away from being a bombshell. Human beings are more malleable than I originally thought, and this is a prime example. Shia is a stud now, and fucking paid.

So, from being a background guy on a terrible comedy to starring in roles for some of the biggest franchises out right now? Not bad. Keep doing your thing, Shia.

Okay. Robo armor conceived out of perhaps recycled cheap plastic, faceguard and the return of light up sneakers. Who said the 90s ever left? And a racket that doubles as a glowstick. Note the collar on the armor, though.

Lacoste could have spent those dollars on actually making those sneakers instead of the lame ones they produce now.

Lyrical virtuoso T-Pain is back with another monster single, “Reverse Cowgirl”. I have no clue when the successor to Thr33 Rings comes out, but this is a great leadoff and infectious as all hell.

Face it, the black starfish is BACK.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_KpAf2X5yo

This picture doesn’t really do the team justice. Tune in to CBS to catch the flying ginger explosion, the Mormon-look-alike contest as they fight their way through the Final Four!

The singer announced today what Barbara Walters announced ten years ago: Ricky Martin loves men. There’s nothing wrong with that, but the world kind of knew about it after Enrique scored Anna and Martin didn’t have a hot woman to show for it. I always think about one and the other, Ricky and Enrique.

So, go him.

It’s insulting when already rich people are paying more money just to have their special interests (more money) met instead of passing bills that would help 90% of the United States population. This is the main reason why our country is so embarrassing when it comes to being progressive and thinking about the future. One thing that I am glad to hear is that the conversation is no longer about the teenagers not being ambitious in trying to get the degree and future they want to live, because that drive is already there. The only thing holding our future back is fat elderly men that have clearly had it made their entire lives, their parents paying their way through college and graduate school persistently wanting more money and to stifle further generations from achieving their dreams. This is the antithesis of democracy and capitalism. It is just absolutely disgusting.

I’m planning for the off-chance that this bill gets passed and saves me a lot of debt, but the fact that this will probably not be passed has me comtemplating what I want to do. What I really want to do is study Kinesiology, but I might just become a nurse instead. For whatever social stigma there is for being a male nurse, it would be totally worth the salary. I’d still consider myself a success if I became a nurse, but I can only sit back and wonder what I could have really become had I been rich.

When McQueen joined Givenchy in the late 1990′s, controversy became his hallmark. He criticized the founder of the company, and admitted to his terrible first collection due to his creative restrictions in his contract. His incendiary attitude towards garment design made him a sensational and celebrated icon, with distinguished clients such as Mikhail Gorbachev and Prince Charles requesting his skills.

After Givenchy, McQueen became Creative Director of the Gucci Group in the early 2000′s, and gained more creative freedom with his collaboration with Puma footwear and his own label. Hitting his stride in the last five years, the label had boutiques in all major metropolitan areas throughout the world, establishing himself as the United Kingdom’s finest designer in many years.

Alexander McQueen’s talent, fierce competitiveness and love for the revolutionary will sorely be missed.